Business venture naming nightmare of the day...

Take one gargantuan Russian oil company. Merge it with one of West Africa's most powerful energy providers. What do you get? Click here to find out.


AC

Murraymania / Andymonium / Go away, please

Rack another one up for the guest contributors. Today it's Henry Birkbeck's turn. Henry runs a small business customising and painting shoes through his website leshouvre.com. Instead of setting up a petulant, moany website complaining about the world, Henry has done something cool, creative and hopefully profitable with his internet connection. Not that I'm jealous or anything. Regardless I'm not sure I can overstate how frickin cool his custom shoe designs are. Like 'em? Well order a pair of unique, one-of-a-kind, hand painted, individually designed shoes here. Mention you came from Hot Rant and Henry will give you 25% off. Anyway he's taken a break from being annoyingly cool to write up a little rant on the topic of Andy Murray:

Wimbledon – the ol’ SW19. Those currently employed (as well as those who just think tennis is a shit sport) could be forgiven for not being up-to-date on the latest from the All England Club, but given that I watch a lot of daytime TV at the moment, it’s fairly inescapable. This year is perhaps the most exciting in recent memory because Andy Murray, the very embodiment of home-grown Scottish British talent, may almost sort of slightly perhaps have a shot at the Gentlemen’s Singles title. Maybe. And boy, do we like those odds.

It’s not Murray himself who annoys me – he may be a surly, wiry haired Scotsman, but he seems decent enough. No, what gets to me is the press; the relentless broken record that is the British media. At least Henmania was generally tempered by an undercurrent of realisation that Tiger Tim was about as dangerous as a house cat in the Rajasthan jungle; his eyes desperately pleading for approval as he clenched his skinny fist in a futile display of faux agression before again getting whupped. But the general attitude towards this year’s ('Murray's year!' (c) British press, 2009) tournament is borderline ridiculous.

Plain and simply: Britain is not very good at tennis. There once was a man called Fred Perry. Sure, he was great. He won lots. He was British. Unfortunately for us, the last time he won Wimbledon was in 1936. As in, 73 years ago. And no British man has won since. And I know that’s a long time, and we’re all desperately hoping for a Brit to reclaim the men’s title, but seriously, chill out.

Murray has never won a Grand Slam. Yes, he just won Queen’s, but he has a much better track record in smaller tournaments. Yes, he got to the finals of the US Open last September, but in my opinion that was largely a fluke, and he still got pummelled by Federer, who last time I checked, was pretty bloody good. Again, I’ve got nothing against Murray, but I cannot stand the unnecessary hullabaloo that the press is making about his significance.

Case in point: Federer’s pre-Wimbledon 2009 interview with the BBC, in which they ask him (a) “do you expect to play Andy Murray in the final?” and (b) “why do you think Andy Murray has such a good record against you?” Clearly displeased by what he’s been asked, Federer delicately points out that though good, Murray played him when he had back problems and mononucleosis. In other words, he basically said: “I am better, bitch”.

Perhaps these feelings of anger bubbling inside me are not anti-British sentiments, but instead illustrative of my very Britishness: maybe this stuff gets to me because I know Murray probably won’t win, because Brits never win anything (except Olympic cycling), and I’m just trying to be pragmatic and setting myself up for failure. There is also a lot to be said for the rapidly declining British trait of not making a fuss about things. But ultimately, who cares? Really, I just wish Murray was asked more questions like those asked by Jonathan Ross when he interviewed him last summer. My personal favourite: “Are there people, who, because they look a bit funny, it’s hard to play them?” Now that’s what I call sports journalism.
Henry Birkbeck - Le Shouvre: Custom Hand-Painted Shoe Designs

Stefan Fox announces names for Contender Asia Season 2

During the broadcast of Champions of Champions 2, Stefan Fox (mentor on Contender Asia and also VP of the WMC) announced some fighters that will be involved in the highly anticipated Contender Asia Season 2.

I'm writing this all from memory...

Click on each name for more info on the fighter or coach

The two head coaches for Contender Asia Season 2 are to be:

Clifton Brown (CAN)


Ray Sefo (NZ)



Stefan announced the following fighters as confirmed for the show:

Marco Pique (Holland)

Eli Madigan (Australia)

Cedric Muller (France)

Duane Ludwig (U.S.A)

*These are the names Stefan announced. I know there are other fighters who have already been in the talks for being on the show, some of which I probably mentioned in previous posts.

Some Photos from CoC2 Jamaica 2009

In the previous post, I posted the official results of each fight (spoilers)...Here are some quick photo highlights from Harmen Bakker, who as always captured some great shots of the night.

Click on each one to view larger version:

Tragedy update

Hot Rant is sad to hear of the demise, hot on the heels of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, of the US equivalent of Cillit Bang's Barry Scott, Billy Mays.

We had never heard of him before today, but a quick glance at his output revealed that he invested his advertising pitches with an intense, ranting, messianic quality sorely lacking in these parts since Scott (rumoured to be a RADA-trained actor - a rumour ignored by us) in his heyday.

Take it away Billy;



AC

venue.

ello. been awhile then.

tmr's gp will be at A302.

and tues econ at a211.

and thurs chem at.... HALL. bet we will love that.

and fri math at a303.

do note the venues as there will not be assembly for the wk.

Uri Geller

The recent untimely death of the King of Pop has, amongst other unfortunate consequences, led to Uri Geller stealthily bending himself back into the public eye. Having switched on BBC News 24 to find out if Jackson was indeed dead, I was immediately confronted with the voice of the Israeli savant / psychic repeatedly stating "I can't comment on that" when faced with the question: "When did you last speak to Michael?" Pray tell, Uri. You were perfectly content to discuss your friend potentially being alive or dead live on the air as the news unfolded, but to discuss when you had last telephoned each other would obviously have been a severe breach of privacy? I suspect the real reason may well have been that even Wacko Jacko got fed up with the incessant pestering and pseudo-spiritual mutterings of this self proclaimed paranormalist. His presence so annoyed me that I spent much of the night wishing that his middle name was Nate. Childish.


Geller's resurfacing has once again raised the troubling question of what the hell his profession actually is. A cursory Google confirmed that "Uri Geller is most famous for his claim to be able to bend spoons and keys with his mind." This claim has always baffled me. Firstly, if you had psychic abilities to be able to move and bend objects with your mind, why on earth would you simply focus on keys and spoons? Surely this man could become an international force for peace and good by bending guns so they couldn't fire, blunting criminal's knives or even just fixing people's glasses when they got a bit bent.

This raises the very real possibility that his powers really do only extend to spoons and keys, which if you ask me is a little bit rubbish. I am struggling to see any use for these skills, except maybe for when you bend a spoon by putting it in really hard ice cream. Even then I fear his super-exclusive mind bending skills could be undercut in the market place by some enterprising labourers willing to just use their hands. To my uber-bitter unemployed graduate mind it all seems a bit unfair that he has forged a career centering around ruining metal implements that are otherwise quite useful. Then again I am trying to sell myself to employers on the basis of my in depth knowledge of Early Modern state building . So touche Uri... touche


A visit to Uri's website is quite a treat. Immediately unsettling is his cautious pronouncement: "This website could change your life for the better". Not will, but could. Furthermore, if you know someone who is learning to speak English as a second language it would be interesting to see what they make of sentences such as: "Spoon bending is just the tip of the iceberg!" It seems pretty pointless to go into the details of why Uri Geller does not actually possess psychic powers but lets just say that claiming to have made a Scottish international miss a penalty is about as impressive as me waving my hands at the sun and then claiming the credit for it setting.

But back to more pressing matters. In a show of remarkable attention-seeking in such a sensitive time, Geller,

in an interview with Channel 4 News ... admitted hypnotising the late pop star to question him about the child abuse allegations that dogged his final years. Geller stated that although he knew questioning Jackson under hypnosis was unethical, hearing him deny the accusations while in a trance confirmed innocence in his eyes.*

Well thanks, Uri. I hope that the next mega pop star to shuffle off this mortal coil has the foresight to pal up with a mystical maverick who actually has a job title - spiritualist medium, pehaps?

FC and AC

*The Independent, Fri 26 June 2009

SPOILER results for Champions of Champions 2

The fights are now over, and we wish Kru a fun and safe journey back home from Jamaica.



SPOILERS!
So I managed to catch the online PPV stream for CoC2, contrary to what I thought earlier.

A few things: the stream was messy, it cut out many times, it started over an hour late...I'm not satisfied with the service. That said, they are going to let me view the fights (and anyone else who payed for them) as many times as I want on the website in a day's time. I'm not sure but I think people who bought the tv PPV might be screwed. Otherwise...the fights were pretty epic!

Results:

*All photos by Harmen Bakker*

1. WMC 63 kg. World Title
Andrei Kubelin (Belarus) def. Mosab Amrani (Holland) by unanimous decision (46-49,46-50,47-49)



2. WMC World Junior Middleweight Title
Buakaw Por. Pmuark (Thailand) def. John Wayne Parr (Australia) by unanimous decision (49-48,49-46,50-49)



3. WMC World Super Light Heavyweight Title
Clifton Brown (Canada) def. Kaoklai Kennorasing (Thailand) by unanimous decision (48-47,48-47,48-47)



4. WMC World Championship
Nathan “Carnage” Corbett vs. (Australia) Tyrone “King of the Ring” (Suriname) (NO CONTEST)



5. WMC World Super Middleweight Title
Eugene Ekkelboom (Australia) def. Rayen Siimson (Holland) by TKO (arm injury) Rd.4, 0:14



6. WMC 61.5 kg. World Title (Harrison could not win Title due to not making weight)
Anuwat Keawsamrit (Thailand) def. Liam Harrison (England) by TKO (leg kicks) Rd.3, 0:46



7. WMC Middleweight Title
Yodsaenklai Fairtex (Thailand) def. Cosmo Alexandre (Brazil) by KO (leg kicks) Rd.4, 0:25



8. WMC World Super Lightweight Women’s Title
Julie Kitchen (England) def. Angela Riviera-Parr (Australia) by unanimous decision (49-47,50-46,49-4Cool



9. WMC Intercontinental Middleweight Rank #1 Title
Marco Pique (Holland) def. Sean Wright (Schotland) by KO (punch) Rd.1, 1:48



10. WMC World Heavyweight Title
Paul Slowinski (Poland) def. Patrice Quarteron (France) by KO (punch) Rd.1



If any of these are wrong, I'll correct them as soon as I find out. I was up till 4am watching these fights (3 am JA time), and I missed the last 2...

Also, congratulations to Kru Clifton Brown for keeping his WMC world title!

More details about the fights and/or pictures will be posted...

Heyyyyy everyone :D LAST DAY (of mugging before the tests start HAHA), but nvm, we can do this! :D we really can! (: even if cannot, you keep thinking you can, then really can alr :D

Okay, Corinananana just reminded me, no exam can pass without this yupp! :D 6V tradition (:


MySpace Countdowns
JIAYOU EVERYONE (:
-jm!

Textbook rant

If you've seen it, watch it again.

If you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat.

"Do you understand? Do you understand?"



AC

Bear Grylls

Time for another contribution now. This hot, hot rant comes courtesy of filmmaker, raconteur and renowned cottager Fish Stock. Take it away, Ed!

Question:

Why is Bear Grylls a wanker?

Answer:

First of all his name is actually Edward Michael Grylls. Surely anyone who changes their name to “Bear” is a wanker. Almost as big a wanker as the late Conservative politician, Sir Michael Grylls, Bear’s father who was knighted in 1992, having lied two years earlier to the committee on members’ interests on the number and amounts of Ian Greer’s payments to him during the Cash for Questions scandal. Interestingly Michael Grylls managed to avoid notoriety unlike former Tory trade minister Neil Hamilton, who married Grylls’ secretary, Christine…

But I digress…

Recently aired on Channel 4 were repeats of Born Survivor.


Born Survivor saw Bear wandering around what may as well be Epping Forest, looking for discarded sandwiches to stave off the hunger when one of the 4-man camera team he travels with thought, for realism’s sake, not to invite him to dinner at the hotel the crew are staying at. Whilst you and I, and hopefully everyone else must realise that the locations are no more exotic than Windsor Great Park, we’re led to believe that Bear instead braves the Alps one week, and the fjords the next.

One particular episode of this insult to Ray Mears’ hallowed name sees Bear stalking purposefully through the swamps of the Everglades in Florida. Completely isolated in this most dangerous of habitats (bar of course the camera crew and rescue team hovering overhead in the Lynx) he’s forced to confront the local fauna by engaging in hand-to-hand combat with, er, some minnows, a handful of grubs, a baby frog and a turtle that looks uncannily like Dan Akroyd’s face in Coneheads.

The camera never actually shows anything that might qualify as a dangerous creature but Bear, not worried by this lack of drama, decides to add some of his own – by shimmying up a tree when he sees in the distance... bubbles. That’s right. Bubbles. He and the crew then turn tail and run/splash/trip in a most undignified manner, to the sound of Bear screeching “we’re too close! We’re too close!” To what Bear? A flatulent beaver?


When it comes to survival techniques, however, Bear is highly accomplished. “Lost” in this most forbidding of terrain, he needs to find higher ground. But fear not! Bear has a solution! He ties his shoelaces together and shins up a tree with all the charm and grace of Gordon Brown smiling on Youtube. “I’ll be able to get a glimpse of some pine trees,” he tells us, which is good “because they grow on dry ground”. He gets to the top, and shins back dejected. “I couldn’t see any” Oh, right.

Bear is a man who appears to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders as his furrowed expression shows us. He is clearly in danger every time he hears the breeze rustling through the trees, something he learned during his years at Eton. “The swamps are so forbidding. Anything could be lurking in the water”, he tells us, wading past some crisp packets and a shopping trolley.

Seeing the crisp packets has obviously made Bear hungry. The Everglades episode shows Bear taking a knife to a turtle and appearing subsequently with his T-shirt drenched in the unfortunate reptile’s blood. Later in the series we are blessed with an image of Bear snaking through a field of long grass (I believe they’re in Shrivenham) with a stick. Suddenly he jumps up letting loose a blood curdling scream as he hurls said stick ’somewhere’ into the grass from no less than 3 different camera angles. He dives in like a bored dog after his stick, presumably trying to alleviate himself from the mind crushing dullness that programming like this propagates, subsequently emerging with what can only be described as the still body of a young Elk, which our intrepid explorer promptly begins to hack at with that bit on a Swiss army knife for getting stones out of horses’ hooves…

Thankyou for the magic Mr Grylls.

But wait. Bear, old boy, I do believe you’ve led us astray! Although the title of your laudably egotistical programme is in fact “Bear Grylls: Born Survivor” one must look at the credits for a further insight into the production of this sham of a mockery of a mockery of a sham. My thanks instead should be directed to Kris Thoemke who is honoured on the credits as “Survival Expert” with Bear down only as “Presenter”…

Clown. Fish Stock

Fourth of July Memories

In honor of the 4th of July holiday, this flag listed on my website is being offered at a sale of 15% off the regular price. Mention this blog posting on your order form to get this special price!

As another 4th of July quickly approaches, I'm reminded of days gone by. Our 4th of July celebrations have always started with the big parade held every year in Winslow (our hometown). We have participated in this parade over the years as well as being observers.

One year, my son Adam, agreed to let me create a huge banana split made out of various fabrics to place over a riding lawn mower to drive in the parade. We owned an ice cream shop at the time and felt it would be good advertising. Adam was a hit in the parade, doing 360's with the banana split to the delight of the crowd.

Another year, Kim, an employee of ours, agreed to let me create yet another ice cream product, this time for her to wear in the parade. I created an ice cream cone, again with fabric and a hula hoop to support the brown fabric ice cream on top of the cone. She wore a red baseball cap as the cherry on top. She handed out discount cards and was a great sport. It is a long parade and the day was one of our warmest. She walked the whole parade, waving to the crowd and really enjoying herself. Some people did think she looked like a cupcake though because she isn't very tall.

Another year, Adam & Chris (my other son), decorated a golf cart from my in-law's driving range next to the ice cream shop with signs advertising the range. In the back of the cart, they made a golfer out of two by fours, who was wearing a golf shirt, shorts, & cap, and holding a golf club - teeing off. Other employees carried water guns to cool off the crowd. Again, it got applause from the spectators, who were also welcoming the relief from the heat. They also through out candy to the young children, who were chasing all of the floats to see how much candy they could collect.

One of the most memorable July 4th's included a parade again, but not the parade in our hometown. This one was just as much fun but on a much smaller scale. My mom had suffered a severe stroke and had other serious health issues as a result afterward. She unfortunately was unable to live alone any longer and we all had to make the most difficult decision of having her move into an assisted living facility. It was a lovely place, but it is never like home...

In the two years that she lived there, I got to know quite a few of the residents quite well. They looked as forward to visits by my brothers and sisters and I as my mother did. Some of them did not get alot of company because their families did not live close by. I come from a family of six children; 4 of us who lived fairly close by and visited all the time.

Ironically enough, most of the residents were women. Mom and I decided to form a Red Hat group at the facility. She was the Queen and I was her right hand. I received a generous donation from the company that I work for and used it to pay for the membership as well as buy several red hats, some ribbon, & assorted red & purple flowers. I then decorated the hats with the flowers and ribbon to give to the members as they were signed up. We signed up quite a few ladies, although some were hesitant at first and didn't really know what the Red Hatters were all about. I'll talk more about our group - The Red Hot Mama's in a future blog posting.

This particular year, we decided to have our own parade right in the circular drive in front of the assisted living building as most of the ladies hadn't been to a parade in many years. We purchased flags for the ladies and some decorations. We decorated many wheelchairs, walkers, and canes in red, white, & blue streamers. I enlisted two of my brothers and their wives and small children to participate in our parade. They decorated the children's wagons and bikes and gave them balloons and flags to carry. Any of the Red Hatters that wanted or could participate did. Some were pushed in their wheelchairs and a couple of them walked with their walkers. They wore their red hats and carried the flags with pride. The other ladies lined up on the front porches to participate from the sidelines. My brother John had recorded marching band music, which we had playing from the porch.

The ladies were so thrilled with our homemade parade that we went around the circular drive twice in time to the lively music. We followed it up with an ice cream social in the dining hall for all the residents. It was the highpoint of the weekend for all of them as well as for us!

Champions of Champions 2 TONIGHT

photo by Harmen Bakker

As you know, our very own Kru is in Jamaica right now for Champions of Champions 2 (http://www.fightnow.com) ! It's all going down tonight, so here are the details on how you can watch it live from home:

"Champions of Champions 2 will be available live on pay-per-view in North America through cable and satellite and IPTV providers including on DISH Network, TVN Entertainment, Shaw Pay-Per-View, SaskTel Max™, MTS, Telus TV for a suggested retail price of $14.95 for standard definition or $19.95 high-definition broadcasts (where available) Champions of Champions 2 will also be seen on Foxtel in Australia.

Additional online viewing will be available at gofightlive.tv for a suggested retail price of $14.95 USD. Visit gofightlive.tv for more details and to view Champions three (3) countdown shows entitled Road to Greatness!"

Micro ramble of the day

What a great combination of two of my favorite pastimes, and one that works to surprising effect. This is pretty much a representation of what would happen if you compressed my whole university experience into five minutes. A particular favorite line is: "let these snakes bite you for a little bit and they will make it all better." Medicine really did used to be mental. Although after reading Ben Goldacre's Bad Science, our whole feeling of superiority towards old medicinal techniques may be somewhat undermined by the fact that homeopathy is now taught in numerous universities. I'm going to put it out there that if you are a homeopath, or spend lots of money on homeopathy, then frankly, you are an idiot. FC

R.I.P, MJ

Goodbye, MJ!

MJ was truly original and a brilliant entertainer - deservingly the king of pop

Ah well, the king's gone. But we still have the queen. Go Madonna!

Lineup and Weighins for Champions of Champions 2!

Here are the official event photos from the weighin's by Harmen Bakker (www.mixfight.nl), along with the lineup:


Andrei Kubelin vs Mosab Amrani



Clifton Brown vs Kaoklai Kaennorsing



Eugene Ekkelboom vs Rayen Simson



Liam Harrison vs Anuwat Kaewsamrit



Marco Pique vs Sean Wright



Tyrone Spong vs Nathan Corbett



Paul Slowinski vs Patrice Quateron



Buakao Por Pramuk vs "John" Wayne Parr



Cosmo Alexander vs Yodsanklai Fairtex



Julie Kitchen vs Angela Parr

Thai Fighters in JA

As we approach Champions of Champions 2, we will have more and more pictures coming in as well as information on the matchups posted here.

Here are photos of the Thai Fighters in Jamaica:

Photo from Songchai Jr:

Yod, Kaoklai and Anuwat in JA



Photos from Harmen Bakker:

Buakao


Buakao shadow boxing

Internship announcement

The successful candidate has been decided! We welcome Owain Mumford to the Hot Rant fold! Although he met none of the employment criteria it turns out our fathers used to know each other. And his application was faultless. For all those who applied and failed here's what you should have done. As a humanities student at a top 10 UK institution, Owain is about as unemployable as it’s possible to get without being on various government lists. So we extend to him the false promise of future employment and the chance to acquire crucial workplace skills such as 'moving boxes', 'tidying up crap we can't be bothered with' and 'duplicating tasks for no apparent reason except finding you something to do'. Owain, your CV will never be the same again. It's the perfect stepping stone to the 100ft vertical cliff face that is the jobs market.


As certain members of HotRant staff have recently discovered, having a degree is no guarantee of gainful employment in these dark economic times. Our own Fred Carnegy has been luckless in the job market, while Tom Howells is being made redundant from an internship which barely keeps him in organic elderflower cordial and Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference sundried tomatoes as it is.

It’s a baleful picture which has been borne out (sans Howells’ favourite braised duck and focaccia bread) in newsprint: the guardian recently reported this year’s pretty grim statistics of graduate unemployment last week to a collective groan from finalists. For those too idle or too busy frantically scanning Gumtree, it also says that a similar number will be unemployed next year at least, if not for the next four.

Unsurprisingly, government ministers have moved quickly, mainly by making soothing wooshy noises and showy token gestures. David Lammy said quite sensibly in January, when this hoo-ha started, that a degree was still the cornerstone of many a long career, just in case some people didn’t think it was worthwhile anymore. Meanwhile, a giant talking egg prophesied that students everywhere would eat each other in the mad, undignified scrabble for even the most menial jobs. Or something. Lammy added that the government would be working with the likes of Barclays to provide graduate schemes for struggling students; because of course they’ve got 40,000 of those knocking around.

In any case, such bald statistics don’t really consider the distinction between graduates not getting their ideal job and not getting a job at all. The unpalatable truth for students is that some will have to slum it for a while in soul-destroying database tedium. For an unfortunate number, Lammy hints, it may mean they never end up in their ideal job. Then again, how many people in this country, nay the world, end up in their ideal job? The best advice it seems is to find employment, any employment, for the time being, until your junket in the Maldives eating Turkish delight and teaching Fred Goodwin’s children to do the Times crossword becomes available.

Then again it’s not unreasonable for graduates to want a return from their sizeable investment into higher education: let’s face it; it’s a pretty enormous waste of three years and 20 odd grand if you’re going to end up hurling dead otters at passers-by in some slave-wage Keynesian burlesque. It’s also a rather humourless irony that being the first in-take to pay top-up fees, this year’s finalists emerge with worse job prospects than their less encumbered predecessors. Personally I find it sad that degrees have been reduced to such commercial proportions: some now see degrees merely as a premium worth paying to get ahead in the job market. Most of the jobless won’t take consolation in the government's 'largesse'. Doubtless they’d rather be in a position to start paying their loan back, and be able to buy the duck and focaccia bread while they’re at it. Owain Mumford

When one headline single-handedly justifies the existence, and public profile, of massive twats

AC

Canadian Fighters in Jamaica

The internet...you can find just about anything on it, haha.

Here's some more photos, by Harmen "Richelieu" Bakker, of Kru Clifton Brown and other fighters from Siam No 1 in Jamaica