"You're cute, but you can't sing." Randy Jackson

I guess the headline says it all. Should I write my experiance? I guess this is the end of the blog:-(
The 5:45a.m. train leaving from Fitchburg didn't leave at 5:45. There were mechanical errors. It left just before 6. The next stop was at North Leominster. It overshot it's stop and had to back up. Whoever heard of a train backing up?!? That shows how ghetto central Mass. is.
I arrived in Boston circa 7:40. I was told to be at the Boston Convention Center by 7. I knew though that there would be a lot of waiting. A lot.
I took a cab and the traffic ran up the meter. I told him don't bother driving across the bridge, I'll get out run across the street, go up the stairs, and go across the bridge myself. I probably saved myself $3 all the while wasting a $10 bill when I could have caught the underground for $1.25. I was in fear of being late.
That fear left when I entered, presented my green paper to security, went upstairs and viewed a long line of hopefuls. And I rushed?!?
We were seated in a room. Assigned seats actually. There were 7 rows of contestants with about 10 in each row. The actual number of contestants was either 63 or 70. A good number of those contestants were from New York.
When I first entered, I saw a girl who I recognized from the Boston Herald. Becky O'Donahue. She's a twin. 25. New York. Her and her twin, Jessie who was present but not a contestant, were on Fear Factor a few years ago. I started talking to her telling her I know who she is and stuff.
My seat was right behind her's. She was in row 5. I was in row 6. Later I left to use the bathroom, which I did a zillion times through the day, and when I came back a man was talking to her. He was complementing her presence and sophistication. He was the parent of someone. He then asked her "Do you play sports? My daughter...-"
"Are you Senator Brown?" I asked.
"Am I Senator Brown? Yes, I'm Senator Brown."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Ugh" I said. Then I took it back. "Well, I didn't mean it like that," I tried to explain. He smiled and said it was okay. When he left I asked O'Donahue if she knew that was the Senator. She said she didn't. She felt like she was talking to someone's dad. Ummm...she was.
Hours later a girl, from New York, and I were on our way outside. On our way down the corridor, guess who was coming up the corridor with a crew of cameras following. Paula Abdul herself. Twirling in front of the cameras and acting stupid. Even though I met her before in Orlando, I became temporarily star struck. I kept walking straight. Staring at the crew and watching how silly she was being. I kept walking straight for the crew. The girl I was with pulled my arm. "Come on. To the left, to the left," she was telling me. My jaw was still ajar but I kept a straight posture as we walked past Paula Abdul. There was eye contact and I looked at her like she was stupid and she returned the look like "Oh the contestants saw me."
Going towards the escalator we could see men in black through the window. This entourage coming out of the limo included Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell.
We went down the escalator and we said to the female security "Did you see Paula?" She said she did and Paula was acting stupid. She said Paula hid behind her and her partner "hiding" from the camera saying "You can't see me." Duh
On our way out the building my attention and eyes focused on Simon. He had a coffee in his hand. Starbucks I beleive. I can't be sure. He walked in the Convention Center and looked up and around like he was an inspector making sure the roof wasn't going to fall on him.
Later, AI producers were telling everyone to get back in thier seats. Camera crews surrounded the door and I knew what was happening. Paula was gonna come in and speak to everyone. She entered and everyone cheered and clapped. She gave a pep talk and at the end she said ...."cuz we want to give you a..." and she made a square with her hands and I yelled out "Golden Ticket!!" She looked at me, pointed and gave me the thumbs up. "That's right," she said. Then she left.
Later all three judges came in for a pep talk again. They began saying things like "Argue your case." "We do change our minds." Yeah right. I felt that they were saying these things to get people rowled up to give television what television wants. Angry people begging for a reverse decision.
Ryan Seacrest was last to enter and do his thing. He said something like don't try to read the judges because we'll never know what they are thinking. He said just keep singing no matter what they do. They may look at us like we are aliens. They may not be looking at us at all. He was right.
Later the first Golden Ticket winner entered the room with Seacrest building up the excitement. He was like "I know you guys are saying 'yeah that's great for her but I want one'." I told him "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking!!" He wore a sweater that said Royal Flush on the back. I asked him if he played poker and he said I was the second person to ask him that. The answer is no and he didn't even know it was on his sweater until someone asked him. My guess is, he was dressed by someone else.
The girl, I don't know her name had golden curly hair. She was pretty. There were actually two girls with golden hair. One had braids, the other girl's hair was natural.
Each contestant was seen individually for a camera interview and for a pre-judge confession. By 12:30 only 9 contestants had Golden Tickets which were exchanged for Green papers. Only about 3 rows had auditioned.
The production stopped for a one hour lunch break. I went to lunch with the two guys in foil. They will definatly be on TV so you will definatly know who I'm talking about. Actually when I was going outside they were being escorted by security. I got the story from them. The judges had them sing a duet. Once they got their no, outside the doors for the cameras, one of the two took off his foil helmet, grazed his foot on the ground like a bull or horse ready to attack, and ran straight for the camera bumrushing it with his "weapon". Security escorted them towards the exit and that's when I ran into them in the corridor. We left together and then came back about half and hour later.
The judges had a press conference during lunch. It was leaked Simon said he was disgusted at the talent here in Boston. Maybe that's why 1/3 of the room was from New York:-) LOL
It was just prior to 2:00p.m. Very shortly after my lunch it was my turn for my personal interview. I was recognized from last year and told to say my name and where I'm from and what I do. I was asked what it would mean to me to go to Hollywood. What happened last year? How will I approach the judges this year? What am I all about? What's the "B" around my neck stand for? Hold it up to the camera. I went into an explanation about two missing holes in the B. I made reference to the camera man probably having digital zoom. I remember finishing my interview by saying "I'm gonna be me, but a toned down me."
You can read last year's experiance at
www.realityshack.com/modules/articles/article.php?id=469
For those who are interested in comparing last year to this year.
Hours later it was time for my confessional. While waiting, Golden Tickets crossed my path. A chinese girl. A black chick with a long ponytail. Also, a girl with golden curly hair who I know the name is Brianna Taylor. She smokes Newports.
Jenny Anderson, I recognized her picture from the Herald. I saw her walking down the corridor with a Golden Ticket. I put the name and face together.
Of course the senator's daughter, Ayla Brown, made it earlier in the day. She was the only one in the contestant room wearing a huge Patriots blanket like she was too cool to wear a jacket.
Becky O'Donahue, who I was rooting for, made it. I hope she beats out Ayla Brown. Becky O'Donahue is my fave for Idol. And I hope she reads this blog.
And the best thing happened. There was another set of twins. They were annoying. When the judges came in the room earlier they were totally acting obnoxious and trying to get everyone to do a spirit cheer. I yelled out "Shut up!! Sit down!!" Me and some other people went 1, 2, 3 "NO SPIRIT CHEER!!!" People laughed.
Well, while waiting for confession a , no offense, huge girl went in. She was in there for like 5 seconds before the Spirit twins came down the hall crying. "Yes!" I exclaimed. A producer opened the confessional door and told the other producer to take whoever was in there out cuz they wanted to get the twins RIGHT NOW while they were still crying and carrying on. It was sad but funny. Then some guy was running full force to the bathroom and a camera ran with him. He ran full force back to the judging area. Seconds later he ran by again full force to the bathroom. "What the hell is he doing?" people were wondering. I now know the boy is Michael Sandecki.
After confessional me, a girl I call Brooklyn, and a boy went to look for somewhere to warm up. I already did that in the bathroom down stairs but I joined for the heck of it. We were soon. We went to a room that the producers and crew ate in earlier in the day. There were still pie pieces on a table and coffee and hot water. We all poured a cup of hot water and I put a lemon in mine. And we each took a package of honey.
It was time. It was nearly 5:00 pm. We went back to the contestant waiting room where only like 20 people remained. My how the room emptied since the day began. Ken Warwick came in the room for a pep talk. He said the contestants are starting to get boring because they are just coming in and singing their song like this ( he was speaking in a monotone). He said we needed to keep up the energy. We've been there all day in our best clothes waiting for our 3 minutes in front of the judges. We were tired, hungry, and losing energy. We pepped ourselves up with a game of Simon says. We said "Let's pretend it's 7 a.m. and we just got here." We started cheering and clapping just to pump ourselves up. Next 5.
Me, Brooklyn, a German girl, an adorible 16 year old boy who I now know is Colton Rudloff, and another girl with curly hair was in the group of 5. We sat outside the judges' door.
A boy with huge nerd glasses wearing a half cut shirt with Mickey Mouse on it had his crew of friends. Like 20 or 30 people there just for him. I know he's going on tv. His shirt was half cut revealing his floppy belly. His contestant number had to cover Mickey Mouse. He went in and came out ranting and raving about how the judges didn't appreciate Metallica. Seacrest was there in the midst of his friends and said something like they're here to support you. Group hug.
A few contestants later it was my turn. The camera was on me. I got up, paused. The producer was rushing me. "Go in. They're ready."
I had a flashback. When I was in the Army we were training for rifle qualification day. You only have one chance. Before the targets come someone asks over the tower megaphone, "Drill sergeants ready? Soldiers ready?" or something to that effect. They can't start until everyone gives the okay. Our Drill Sgt. used to say, take your time getting the sand bags right. If a drill sergeant is yelling at you just say "ummhmm whatever" and don't start until you are comfortable. I took that advice.
The producer was saying "Come on, they're ready."
"Yeah, Yeah," I was thinking. I was about to walk in but I stopped and turned back. I stared in the air and took a deep breath. Then I started for the doors again...
"Hello," "Hello."
The judges had a different seating arrangement than usual. Simon was on the far left where Randy usually sits. Paula was still in the middle and Randy was to the far right where Simon used to sit.
"Hi Paula," I said. She was looking down. Then she gave me a delayed reaction. "Yo!" she said still looking down at her paper.
"We've seen you before," stated Randy looking at me with one eye big as if he was Sherlock Holmes.
"Yes" I smiled.
"Where?" he asked.
"Orlando." I said. Then my personality began to come out. I started speaking really fast. "Remember? I had the microphone headset?" I made a motion with my hand around my head and across the side of my cheek.
All three looked at me expressionless. I stopped talking.
I can't exactly remember exact words that were said after that. I believe Randy asked if I was in the Armed Forces. I said "Yeah I was in the Army," but I didn't sound too happy or proud of being there.
A few more questions before Paula asked "What will you be singing for us?"
"Janet Jackson's Together Again" I beamed.
"Uh-Oh. That's Paula's favorite artist," exclaimed Simon.
I could tell they were being sarcastic. They joked on it for a minute. I guess Paula and Janet are rivals. I do know that Paula choreographed for Janet back in the day. I also made reference to that last year.
I began singing.
"There are times when I look above and beyond...."
Paula Abdul was paying me no attention. She held a paper up to her face and was chatting with Simon and laughing and giggling. Simon was talking back with her. She was looking at the director Nigel and smiling, still with the paper to her face, and shaking her head no. Was she talking about me? Then I remembered Seacrest's speech.
I looked over at Randy who was the only one paying attention.
"When I feel that I don't belong draw my strength..."
Finally somewhere in the middle of my performance Paula exaggeratly looks up. It scared me.
"Dream about us together again baby. What I want us together again baby. I know we'll be together again cuz everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smiling back at me. Dancing in moonlight I know you are free, cuz I "
"Okay you can stop," said Simon.
I faded the last words.
"Miranda. I believe the other judges will agree with me when I say you sang that song better than Janet Jackson."
"Really?" I beamed. That was fantastic coming from Simon. "Thank you," I gleed.
He sat back and put his hands above his head. They all stared at me expressionless. There was a pause.
"I'm kidding," he said.
"Oh." My heart fell.
"That was terrible."
"Really?" I cried.
"No, that was good," he said.
"Really?"
"No, that was horrible."
I was confused. Was it good or bad? I wanted this game to end.
"It was terrible," said Simon.
The other judges agreed.
"Would I lie to you?" he asked.
"No," I choked out.
"Would Randy lie? Would Paula lie?" he asked.
"No," I softly said.
I can't remeber exactly what happened. I think Paula said "I think she's shocked at you Simon."
"No," I said. I can't remember what I said after that.
Simon asked me about choreography. Like why I didn't do any or something to that effect. I wanted to explain how the song was a last minute decision. There was a lot I wanted to say to answer that question. I started a word of a sentence stopped, started again. I was thinking of what to say. I was choked up.
Then Paula made fun of me. "Uh,guh uh duh uh uhgah," said Paula. She was looking down again. I got red.
"Do you want me to do some choreography?" I asked Simon. "I can"
"No, thats' alright," he said.
"Do you want me to sing another song? I can sing another song," I offered.
"No, don't sing," said Simon.
Randy said I was out of key and my voice sounded vibrato. He made a motion to his throat. They way the French say F-you.
"Paula, what do you think?" I begged to her.
She looked up. "Hmm?" she looked around like who called my name. She shook her head at me. I can't remember her exact words but whatever they were didn't help.
Then Simon asked me "Who are you here with?"
"I'm here alone. My mother was too sick to come," I said.
"Who told you you could sing?" asked Simon.
"Everyone," I said
"What do they say when they hear you?" He asked.
"They say 'wow' and 'good job'-"
"Are you willing to sing out in public?"
"Yes! Do you want me to go out there and sing and bring you back ten people-"
"No, that deal's already been done," said Simon
"You know what? There was a guy that came up to me today outside when I was practicing--"
"Ooooh a guy," giggled Paula.
They started making fun of me again.
"What can I do to get better?"
"Stop singing," said Simon.
"Give me some feedback," I asked.
Randy said "What more feedback do you want? You can't sing. You're out of key. You're not a singer." Then he paused.
"You said we wouldn't lie to you, right?" asked Simon. "Would we lie?"
"No," I choked out again.
"Look," said Randy," you're cute, but you can't sing."
Then Paula said "You have an access television show. So that shows you have creativity."
"Yes!!" I piped up. "And I can use that creativity in Hollywood!"
"No, no, no, no, not in this competition you won't," she said.
"Can you act?" asked Simon
I looked at him. A flashback came. A friend told me they might have me in mind for another show. Last year in Orlando, I got a no from the judges but weeks later they wanted to do a story on me. Why? I wasn't going to Hollywood. This year they wanted to do a story on me but the Nor'Easter scared them away. Do the producers have something in mind for me that has nothing to do with this competition?
"I can." I said. "I want to be a popstar. Please just give me a chance."
"No, no, no"
"Don't you want to work with me?"
"No, no, no"
"Listen, " I started singing again. "There are times when I look above and beyond-"
"Stop singing," said Simon. "Randy, yes or no?"
"No," Randy said firmly.
"Paula please, please, Paula please?" I begged.
"Paula?" asked Simon.
She shook her head. "No," she softly said.
"Thank-you," said Simon.
I exited the room to be greeted by cameras. "They want me to get mad and cry and punch the cameras. I'm not going to give them what they want?"
"Why not?" asked a producer. It will get you on tv."
"No, " I said. "It just makes you look more stupid when you do all that and I'm not going on tv looking stupid."
I grabbed my coat from by the window and walked down the corridor.
I went to my after-judge confessional in which at one point I referred to the judges as "jerks". Other than that I think I was pretty calm.
Walking down the corridor, I walked past an AI camera. "I'm sure you guys will have a great season," I attempted a failed smiled.
Becky O'Donahue was still around. "Good luck Donahue!" I yelled.
I lingered around for a minute. The girl right after me got a Golden Ticket. Brooklyn didn't get one. We walked downstairs together.
I went outside, walked ten feet, and came back in. I asked the security guard how to get to the underground. He pointed straight. I made my way to North Station. My train was at 7:35. Twelve hours later from when I first arrived.
The season starts in January. If my clip is shown, someone somewhere out there will see me.

Tommorrow is Judgment Day

Once again I got my hair done. Fresh from the salon, but now after a night's sleep it needs a little touching up. My sister will take care of that later on tonight...
*sigh* Tonight. Supposedly an American Idol crew will be waiting for me when I get home from school today. At least today is a nice day out compared to yesterday's leftover Wilma storm mixed with the Nor'Easter.
There are little snow flurries on the trees and ground in Gardner (where I go to school). I also hear there is some snow in New Hampshire. Wow.
Anyways, it was discussed they want to tape me riding my jacked up bike to work. I'm not even on the schedule to work. If I go to work I want to punch in and get paid. No free labor even if it is for the camera:-) I don't know anything that's going to happen this afternoon. I'm not a psychic. But I did get a vision of Hollywood...

Article from the Boston Herald

No `Idol' tune: Nervous hopefuls gear up for audition with Randy, Paula and Simon
By Lauren Beckham Falcone
Monday, October 24, 2005 - Updated: 12:15 AM EST

Brace yourself, Boston. The terrible trio of Fox talent scouts - Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell - descend upon the city Thursday to skewer or send ``American Idol'' hopefuls to Hollywood.
``I'm really nervous about what Simon might say to me,'' said Ayla Brown, 17, of Wrentham. ``And worse, I'm sick. I have an ear infection, sinus infection and a cold. So, I'm on antibiotics and Sudafed and saying a lot of prayers my voice will be OK.''
Brown, who beat out thousands of ``Idol'' wannabes in August at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, seems to be a favorite already - ``American Idol'' crews were busy taping her ``back story'' for hours on Wednesday - a week before her tryout in front of the threesome.
``It's a random selection,' said ``American Idol'' spokeswoman Alexandra Gillespie, adding that about 100 contestants have been invited to the Boston Convention & Exhibitor Center to belt out tunes in front of the judges Thursday.
Those who impress get the golden ticket to Tinseltown, but don't expect to read a list of names here - selections are on the QT until ``Idol's'' fifth season starts in January.
Brown, who was one of the Herald's picks to make it to Hollywood, said she's prepared for her shot at stardom.
``I've been taking lessons with a vocal instructor who's helped me come up with some good songs and routines,'' she said. ``I'm going to sing `Ain't No Mountain High Enough' and have a few others in mind for backup.''
For luck, she's wearing a special necklace and bringing her parents, Rep. Scott Brown (R-Wrentham) and WCVB-TV (Ch. 5) reporter Gail Huff.
`I feel like the worst thing they could say is `Stick to basketball' '' said Brown, who has a basketball scholarship to Boston College. ``That would offend me.''
Becky O'Donahue, 25, of Dobbs Ferry, N.Y., is trying not to dwell on the stress of performing. She's thankful she doesn't have to think about what she'll wear - contestants are required to sport the same outfit they wore in August.
``I'm just practicing my song, getting a million possibilities together,'' she said. ``I'm taking it easy and resting my voice and not thinking about it too much.'' [continue]
The Boston hopefuls have plenty of competition - the ``Idol'' judges are also checking out the talent in San Francisco; Austin, Texas; Chicago; Denver; and Greensboro, N.C.

Idol producers contact contestants to give info!

Last night I received a phone call. Actually, I missed it. I had to call it back. It was only a 5 minute time span though. Enough time for my niece to announce the area code and everyone to ponder where it was from. My brother and I were arguing on the porch while my mom sat next to me listening to the message on the phone. I was about to say something to him but my mom put her hand up to me which signaled me to stop. I bit my tongue for about 10 seconds before I started to tell him off again.
"Listen to this," my mom said passing me the phone. I listened. It was a lady who claimed to be an AI producer trying to contact me wondering for possible taping and interviewing for next week. Call her office at xxx-xxx-xxxx.
I called her back. I forgot her last name but whoever answered asked for my first and last name. I told her. In 2 seconds I was connected with who I needed to be talking to.
She identified who she was and I did the same. She asked me what my schedule is usually like. I told her I go to school in the day and work at night. She asked about Wednesday. I told her I thought audition day was Wednesday. I requested Tuesday and Wednesday off from work. She asked me if another Producer called yet. I told her no. She said another producer was supposed to call all the contestants to inform them the judges round for Boston is all taking place on Thursday. Some people were split between the two days. I was a little skeptical about the complete change of plans for me.
We continued to talk about my work. She said she was going to call the store manager of where I worked to ask if they could come tape me at work. I still have yet to verify if a phone call came there or not. I'll find out tommorrow. I'm off tonight.
Anyways, I told her they could come to the poker game this Friday night but she said they'll be in New York this Friday. Hmm, they must have another contestant they want to do a story on too. Maybe it's the girl I referred to as "Brooklyn" in "The Arrival: Part III"...
Well, today about a half hour after I got home from school, there was a phone call for me. Another Idol producer. She said something about she was trying to find my number but it was left in her book which was in the truck or van which was in Georgia:-?
Whatever. She was calling to tell me the audition day is Thursday. I told her I had found out yesterday but thanked her for being late with her job. I asked her about the whole AI thing wanting to come film me in Fitchburg. She said they probably want to do a hometown story on me but she doesn't know and/or isn't involved with that. Her job was just to call the contestants and let them know audition day is Thursday.
They are so mysteriuos in the way they operate. Last year, in Orlando when they postponed the judges round due to the hurricanes, we received a phone call saying the round has been postponed. Days later a phone call asking for the nearest airport to our house. I mean they were acting like federal agents on a classified mission.
"What's the nearest airport to your house?"
"Orlando International"
"Okay thank you"
"That's it? Where are we going? When are we leaving?"
"I don't know. My job is just to ask what airport is nearest your house."
Same principle is applying now. At least I got a second phone call though that verified audition day is not Wednesday. Wouldn't it have sucked if it really was and I didn't go? But now there are new plans for Wednesday.
I have a confession. My bike is a piece of crap. They want to tape me riding my bike in the 2nd hilliest city in the nation. I've been meaning to take it to the bike shop. I need like a bran new derailer (spelling?) and my gears all fixed. They're broken. The chain sometimes doesn't go. *sigh* Things cost money. Hopefully though, I'll get it fixed before Wednesday.
Wouldn't it suck if I go through the effort to fix it and they decide to do a story on someone else or just forget about me? This competition. It's stressing my brain. I love it:-)

Fame coming...will it all be over?

AmericanIdolNews.net wants my blog on their site. DJ Slim over at slimtainment.com has my blog listed. Soon others will follow. The newspaper articles, the smiles in the school hallways, the waves of hellos on my way to work, will it all end in one week? Or will it keep growing? More smiles, more pictures, more questions...
Last year when I auditioned in Orlando, I missed running out of the doors into the circle of flashes, cameras, and microphones. When I got a "no, no" from the judges, it was all over. But I can feel it coming back...

SOMEONE HELP!!!!

Fix this mess that happened at the top of my blog. I can't seem to find the e-mail of the technical support team. I was just nosing around in the template section. I must've accidently deleted something or added something. But I can't find it and I don't want to add any more mess to the mess that's alreday created. Please can someone help?!?!?!!?

The Arrival: Part III

... I awoke to Audrey telling me to wake up. (see "The Arrival: Part I" to know 'Audrey')It was time to roll up the sleeping bags. The rumours were false. Bags and the sort could stay in the stadium and there was no 3a.m cattle call outside. I went to the bathroom and the once vacant space became flooded with girls in stalls and over the sinks brushing their teeth, washing their face and combing their hair. Girls were looking for outlets for blowdryers and hair straighteners.
After I was done touching up, Norman and I decided to go halves on french fries and an orange juice. At this time in the morning (I'll say 5a.m. ish?) there was only one concession stand open for food. One or two. The lines were long. Maybe about 100 in each line. What seemed like a half hour later we were able to get some expensive food. We then headed towards section 125, to our stadium seats.
The stadium began filling as people began to take their seats. Some, like me, were there for two days, sleeping in the rain and on the hard concrete of the stadium grounds, others had gone to nearby hotels, yet many slept in their cars. And yes, even on audition day, people were still coming in to be registered for an audition.
Instructions were being shouted for all media to leave the stadium. It was now a half stadium full of hopefulls, a good 10, ooo strong, and the American Idol producers come to find their next popstar. The show had begun.
"Singing in the Rain" wasn't particularly a favorite song of the crowd but the producers demanded we sing it over and over again while twirling our umbrellas. What a cliche` song given the events of the past two days. And as karma would have it, the skies began to rain...again. Suddenly the process began.
Beginning with section 125, the rows got up, single filedly walked down the stairs, and handed off their stadium seating ticket along with their release form to an Idol producer. Being in row 16 of section 125 it wasn't too long before I found myself, walking in a line past one of the Patriots ' endzones to get my picture taken and then find a place to stand in one of the rows of four in front one of 16 tables across the other side of the field. Each table had two judges.
Walking past table 2 I saw Angelica doing her thing. She didn't get passed through though. Norman and I stood in the same row of four. He was third, I was fourth. Fourth, just like last year.
I said "I'm gonna start in the middle somewhere." The female judge on my left said "Okay. You can do what you want." I began Christina Aguilera's "The Voice Within" with the words"...now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed, it's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid. No one reaches out a hand for you to hold. When you look outside look inside to your soul. When there's no one else, look inside yourself. Like your oldest friend just truuuuu---crack--"Oh NO!!" I gasped. I turned my head away in shame. "No, no," my judge said, "that was good. Just control your nerves. Take a deep breath and start again." But before she finished coaxing me, I began searching for a tone..."I fall without my wings, "I began to crescendo," I feel so small, I guess I need you baby. And everytime I see you in my dreams I see your face, it's haunting me. I guess I need you baby."
"Okay, okay you can stop. What song was that?"
"Britney Spears Everytime," I said. "I knew I heard that song before!" she exclaimed. For the first time I saw life and expression in that judge.
I stepped back with the other 3 people in my row. The two judges at our table held the stack of golden papers in front of their mouths while they convened. Then coming back from thier "meeting" the girl judge thanked everyone for being there, said they were looking for something different. Then she went on to say "You three are going to get your wristbands cut and go that way." Norman said "Three?" She pointed and counted out "one, two, three."
I made it past the first round.
I went to the "winner's lounge" to fill out some paperwork and take a picture. My Golden Ticket was traded for a blue paper. On it were instructions for the next round with Nigel Lythgoe, executive producer of American Idol.
I and my blue paper began to walk to the stadium exit. On the way another "winner" met me and we held arms and skipped towards the iron gated arch where we were greeted by journalists, reporters, and other onlookers.
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ROUND 2
AT 5:35 a.m. the next morning, I once again boarded the train headed to Boston. The location: The Seaport Hotel. One Idol contestant compared this section of Boston to lower Manhattan. The girl of course is from New York. Brooklyn to be exact. That's what I call her. Brooklyn.
Nearly 200 contestants filled the large room designated for us at the Seaport Hotel. We were given lyrics to a song called "Joy to the World." It also played on repeat over and over and over again. I didn't bother to remember anything as Ken Warwick (Assistant Executive) told us it wouldn't affect our audition one bit. Yeah right.
We were individually seen by an 'Idol producer for more questioning and interviewing. Then it was audition time. About 10 people sat in a row of chairs outside the audition room. As 5 left 5 more were added. Two people before my time and this (no offense) white, rapper guy was thrust into a seat next to me. He came late. He just arrived and in less than 5 minutes he was to rap for the executive producer of American Idol. He walked in and walked out carrying a Golden Ticket. No one cheered. Everyone looked at him with shock. He rapped for the camera then we all cheered. I got up and walked in.
"You're back," stated Nigel wearing headphones and sitting with a panel of producers all with headphones. I walked towards my T in the middle of the floor. "None of this, this time?" he asked making motions to an imaginary "microphone headset" around his head in reference to what I wore in front of the judges last year.
"No," I smiled.
"Natural?" He asked.
"Yes, " I said.
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"Well, it's been a year," I began. "I'm a year older. A year more mature..."
"Okay," he said. "What are you going to sing?"
"I'm going to sing Cristina Aguilera's The Voice Within"
"OOh, I don't think you can do that." He took his head phones off and asked a lady on the panel "Can we do Christina Aguilera?" She said no.
He said I couldn't do Xtina A. because American Idol doesn't have the rights to any of her music. "Oh, change of plan then." I paused. "How about Britney?"
"Yeah, you can do Britney. What song?"
"I'm gonna have to go with Everytime." I began singing. I don't think I finished the first chorus before Nigel stopped me and asked me if I had another song.
"The A*Teens," I said.
"The A*Teens?!?" Nigel asked with this puzzled look on his face.
"Fools Rush In," I said.
"Oh Fools Rush In. Okay," he said.
I began singing. "Wise man say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a scene, if I can't help falling in love with you?"
I was stopped. This time way before the chorus. Was this a good thing?
"Miranda, how much of Joy to the World did you remember?"
"You know what? When I walked in here today and got this paper, it was the first time I've ever seen this song. I don't know it."
"None?"
"No."
"How about a line or something?"
"I don't know any of it. I heard the chorus playing over and over again-"
"Sing that."
"I don't know it all."
"Sing what you know"
"Joy to the world...uh Joy to the world...I don't know it."
"None of it?"
"You know what. Jeremiah was a bullfrog!!" I sarcastically growled.
He then leaned over and grabbed a piece of paper. "I happen to have a copy of it right here."
"So you're gonna read it to me?" I hissed.
"Just the chorus," he said. "Joy to the world. (something something) boys and girls. To all the fishes of the deep, blue sea joy to you and me." He looked up.
"Start when I'm ready?" I asked.
"mm hmm," he answered.
"Joy to the world. To all the boys and gir ir ir irls. *pause* And all the fishes of the deep blue sea, joy to you and me! Like that?"
"mm hmm"
"okay, good." I held my breath
"Miranda how far did you make it last year?"
Uh oh. Why was he asking. "Well, uh-"
"Did you make it to the judges?"
"Yes"
"You made it to the judges."
"Yes."
"You made it here, right?" I thought that question was redundant. If I made it to the judges of course I made it there. Why was he asking?
"Yes," I said through clenched teeth.
"You made it to the judges?"
"Yes." I was beginning to get annoyed.
"You saw them?"
"Yes."
"You're gonna see them again."
I wasn't expected that one. It was like getting a piercing done before inhaling. I let out a scream and ran towards Nigel. "Where's my Golden Ticket?!?" I screamed. He looked up and pointed towards the door, "Down there"
I ran down the panel trying to find who will hand me a ticket. I got to the end and sitting by the door a lady waved a Golden Ticket for me to grab. I grabbed it, squealed a thank you, and bolted out the door.
A camera was there to greet me. I jumped and twirled in front of it then went to the next area for "winners" where we endured more individual interviews and finally another ticket exchange. We had to give up the Golden Ticket for a green paper.
Randy, Paula, and Simon is the next round. On October 26th I will be in front of them again singing "Can't Fight the Moonlight" by Leann Rhymes.
Everyday I visualize those three people standing about 10 feet in front of me. In less than two weeks it's going to happen...

3 Weeks, 2 Days

The time is approaching fast. Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell. I will come face to face with them again. Sure, I expect that they will recognize me again. Nigel did. (coming up in "The Arrival: Part III") 3 weeks. That's 3 more paychecks. Most of which is going on my phone, bus fare, my hair, and train fair.
I bought my textbook for class today even though school started a month ago. I've been going to Criminal Law without a book. I've even been assigned a case on page 122 without having page 122. It's cool now though becuase I paid $75.15 to have a used version of page 122.