Baldur's Gate II

Baldur's Gate II. What do these words mean to you? Careful it may reveal more than you'd like. Nope it's not an obscure late 70s action film, nor is it one of those weird military operation names. The correct definition is of course one of the most singularly addictive nerd fests of an RPG ever created. You take control of a merry band of adventurers in a mythical land and attempt to rescue a childhood friend from the evil grasp of a wizard called Irenicus who is actually trying to trap you into fighting him because you are the son of Bhaal. Or something like that. More importantly I believe it to be as chemically addictive as crack cocaine or even Championship Manager. Last night, in a desperate bid for freedom, I had to delete it from my computer. While I stoically resisted the urge to shove a remote control up my ass, I had ample time to think about the toll it had taken on my life.


I only started playing it a couple of weeks ago, in a pique of nostalgia for my thirteen year-old self. Since then many lows have been reached. Particularly bad was informing my girlfriend that "there's a female elf and mage in my party who I think both have the hots for me, but I've got to play it cool because love will only get in the way of the mission." Love getting in the way of the mission became a recurring theme between me and my girlfriend for the duration of the gaming experience. Our relationship deteriorated into sitting in the same room, in silence, while I just finished "clearing out one last orc's nest before saving'. This was no way to live. Or so she told me. A choice had to be made and Baldur's Gate II was wiped.

I don't know what makes these games so damn addictive. Maybe I'm just a huge nerd and wandering round a magical land full of dwarfs, elves, magicians and monsters whilst casting spells and slaying dragons is just too much to resist. I realise many people (seemingly especially female people) will view this in a less than favourable light. Well, tough. While I'm at it I might as well admit that I spent a a large chunk of my pre-adolescent childhood playing Warhammer and building Airfix planes. It was great. But even those solitary and frankly (girl) friend alienating activities never quite engendered a computer game level of obsessiveness. Those of you who play Champ Man may well understand. The (hopefully) true story of a friend of a friend who dressed up in a suit when he made the Champions League Final on the game springs to mind. Equally embarrassing was me and Ashley playing out this scene a deux in my room on a Friday night when other right minded youths were out partying and meeting members of the opposite sex.

As all the evidence so far points to me being very easily addicted to computer games I've wiped the game from my computer and instructed my girlfriend never to let me install another one. I think this is the best course of action until I find an environment as suitably supportive as the one in the following video:



Even in this (I assume mythical) gamers' paradise, there is an obvious bias towards one of the sexes. I believe I did manage to spot one person with long hair but seeing as they had their head in their hands as a result of a Street Fighter match I'm going to hazard a guess that they were just a ponytailed, male nerd. Look at those sad men fist pumping as if they had actually achieved something beyond controlling some pixels into a pre-programmed sequence... Who am I kidding. Where do I sign up? FC